You might think that after decades of life changes that the pain would disappear. Working on your marriage and a career should keep your mind so busy that you forget about the son or daughter that never was. Eventually as time passes that monthly reminder of loss ceases.

Unfortunately life is full of other reminders. Your friends cannot go to the movies or have lunch with you. They can’t find or afford a babysitter. Their son is involved in sports and they need to be there to cheer him on. Their daughter has dance lessons or a recital that they want to attend.

Years pass and finally all your friends’ children are now grown, off to college or married. But your friends still can’t hang out with you because now there are grandchildren for them to spend time with. And the cycle continues.

Every holiday card is full of family pictures of parents, children and then grandchildren. Yearly newsletters spell out all the accomplishments of your friends’ offsprings. That nagging feeling of grief consumes you as you read about their lives full of joy and pride enjoyed by the parents.

You are genuinely happy for your friends and family. But that happiness stings your own heart with bitter stabs of unanswered prayers.

Infertility grief also steals your joy. Children are a source of joy. The neighbor’s new baby is warm and smells heavenly. You hold that infant close and it feels divine. But the feeling flies into the vastness of outer space the second you put that baby down and your heart aches once again for that lost dream.

You hug your nieces and nephews. You genuinely love them. You enjoy spending time with them. But that happiness is always shadowed by that ever present sense of loss. The empty hole in your heart and soul is filled with sadness even as you laugh at their silliness.

Constant reminders of loss. Constant blows to joy. This is the grief and sadness that attaches itself forever to infertility.

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By Kathy K. McClellan

Biography Kathy started her lifelong interest in photography over fifty years ago with a Kodak Instamatic X-15. Two more film cameras and four digital cameras have traveled with Kathy along her journey in life to where she is today. Her interest in photography melded perfectly with her love of nature. She is constantly in awe of God's natural beauty around her and feels privileged to not only witness that beauty but to also capture it in her images. Kathy has lived in five states and three different regions of the US. She is grateful for the abundance of beauty and inspiration that surrounds her where ever she lives. After following several successful career paths over the years, Kathy decided to concentrate on promoting the arts and offer her photography for sale to the public. She has started writing and painting again as she had done in her past. Kathy is excited to finally be able to share with others the beauty that she has witnessed and captured with her cameras. Artist's Statement I have chosen photography as the preferred medium for my artwork because it is a very versatile medium that can be used as Fine Art, Photojournalism and Family Documentation. Nature has always been my main subject and inspiration but recently I have embraced the creativity of producing abstract images from my photographs, have been painting with acrylics, drawing and learning to "draw" digitally. The future promises to be exciting and challenging with more choices in technology being introduced into the art world.